THE KNIGHTS
A monologue from the
play by Aristophanes
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NOTE: This monologue is reprinted
from Aristophanes: The Eleven Comedies. Trans. Anonymous.
London: The Athenian Society, 1922. |
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SAUSAGE-SELLER: The story is worth hearing. Listen!
From here I rushed straight to the Senate, right in the track
of this man; he was already letting loose the storm, unchaining
the lightning, crushing the Knights beneath huge mountains of
calumnies heaped together and having all the air of truth; he
called you conspirators and his lies caught root like weeds in
every mind; dark were the looks on every side and brows were
knitted. When I saw that the Senate listened to him favourably
and was being tricked by his imposture I said to myself, "Come,
gods of rascals and braggarts, gods of all fools, toad-eaters
and braggarts and thou, market-place, where I was bred from my
earliest days, give me unbridled audacity, an untiring chatter
and a shameless voice." No sooner had I ended this prayer
than a lewd man broke wind on my right. "Hah! 'tis a good
omen," said I, and prostrated myself; then I burst open
the door by a vigorous push with my back, and, opening my mouth
to the utmost, shouted, "Senators, I wanted you to be the
first to hear the good news; since the War broke out, I have
never seen anchovies at a lower price!" All faces brightened
at once and I was voted a chaplet for my good tidings; and I
added, "With a couple of words I will reveal to you, how
you can have quantities of anchovies for an obol; 'tis to seize
on all the dishes the merchants have." With mouths gaping
with admiration, they applauded me. However, the Paphlagonian
winded the matter and, well knowing the sort of language which
pleases the Senate best, said, "Friends, I am resolved to
offer one hundred oxen to the goddess in recognition of this
happy event." The Senat at once veered to his side. So when
I saw myself defeated by this ox filth, I outbade the fellow,
crying, "Two hundred!" And beyond this I moved, that
a vow be made to Diana of a thousand goats if the next day anchovies
should only be worth an obol a hundred. And the Senate looked
towards me again. The other, stunned with the blow, grew delirious
in his speech, and at last the Prytanes and the guards dragged
him out. The Senators then stood talking noisily about the anchovies.
Cleon, however, begged them to listen to the Lacedæmonian
envoy, who had come to make proposals of peace; but all with
one accord, cried, "'Tis certainly not the moment to think
of peace now! If anchovies are so cheap, what need have we of
peace? Let the war take its course!" And with loud shouts
they demanded that the Prytanes should close the sitting and
then leapt over the rails in all directions. As for me, I slipped
away to buy all the coriander seed and leeks there were on the
market and gave it to them gratis as seasoning for their anchovies.
'Twas marvellous! They loaded me with praises and caresses; thus
I conquered the Senate with an obol's worth of leeks, and here
I am.
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MONOLOGUES BY ARISTOPHANES |
