WILLIE, THE ANGELIC CHILD
A monologue by Walter
Ben Hare
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NOTE: This monologue is reprinted
from Readings and Monologues À La Mode. Walter
Ben Hare. Minneapolis: T.S. Denison & Co., 1921. |
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- Good afternoon, Mrs. Boyer. How do you do, ladies! Isn't
it a lovely day. I saw some cars out in front, Mrs. Boyer, and
I thought Willie and I would just drop over and spend the afternoon
with you. Willie is so fond of company. Say "How
do you do" to the ladies, Willie. No, no, now, mamma's baby
mustn't be so bashful. Speak up like a little man and say "How
do you do!" No, you can't have a piece of cake. The very
idea. Mrs. Boyer isn't going to give you any cake, and I'm sure
I haven't any. Just sit on that little chair over there and be
a good boy. He's such an interesting child! Oh, you're going
to play auction? Go right ahead with your game, don't mind us.
Willie just adores to see ladies play auction. We'll just sit
here and talk to you while you play. Willie, you mustn't touch
that vase, you're liable to break it. Vases weren't made for
little boys to play with. Don't you just adore children, Mrs.
Boyer? I think they're so interesting when they're Willie's age.
It's a real charm and education to watch the development of their
little minds, the unfolding of the bud, as it were. Yes, he'll
be five in January. Isn't he remarkable for his age? No, Willie,
no! Mamma says no. That's the dummy, you mustn't touch the cards.
Oh, he's got them all mixed up. Naughty, naughty Willie. But
doesn't it show just how rapidly his mind is developing? He just
adores auctions. Willie, Willie, put that cushion down. Put that
cushion right back in the chair. Mrs. Boyer doesn't like little
boys who pull cushions out of chairs. No, no, sonny, you mustn't
talk to the ladies when they are playing auction. It's so hard
to keep him quiet. He talks and talks and talks! He has a positive
genius for oratory. Why, only last month he recited a selection
at the Sunday school entertainment. His father heard him, and
he was the proudest man in town. Right then and there we decided
that Willie should be a lawyer, or a statesman. He recited "Little
Robin Redbreast" and it would have brought tears to your
eyes. He's so emotional. He feels every word he utters. Willie,
suppose you recite "Little Robin Redbreast" for the
ladies. Stand right out here in front now. Toes out. Shoulders
back. Now, make your bow. Just a moment, Miss Steel, surely you
wouldn't care to go on playing auction when Willie is about to
recite! Now, Willie, begin! "I'm a little robin redbreast,
sir!" Go on, petty, speak it out nice and loud. "My
nest is in the tree," that's right. Now make your gesture.
There's the tree. Your nest is way up in the tree. Now, go on--
"My nest is in the tree!" That's right, "If you
look up in yonder elm" -- don't forget the gesture there,
Willie. "My pleasant home you'll see!" Now, imitate
the little bird. That's right--skip over there. Willie, look
out for the lamp! Now skip back again. Isn't he a darling? I
taught him that skip myself. Now the second verse, Willie. "I
have a secret I would like the little girls to know." Point
to the little girls, Willie. There, isn't that funny, he pointed
right at you, Miss Steel. He thinks you are a little girl. Isn't
he precocious? Go on, now. "But I won't tell a single boy,
they rob the poor birds so!" Now act pathetic when you say
that. Isn't it wonderful the facial expression he has when he
says "they rob the poor birds so!" Say it over again,
Willie, and let Mrs. Boyer see your expression. She was dealing
the cards and didn't see the full emotion in your face. Yes,
start from the very first. "I'm a little robin redbreast."
That's right. Gesture to the right. Isn't he graceful? Now the
skip! Skip fast, Willie. Lift up your feet. Oh, the vase! He's
broken it. Willie, aren't you ashamed to break Mrs. Boyer's nice
big vase? Come right over here to mamma, she's got to kiss the
naughty hand. You know, Mrs. Boyer, I always kiss his hands when
he's naughty and then he never forgets it. He really has a remarkable
memory. He can recite several other pieces just as well as he
can "Little Robin Redbreast." Suppose you recite "Little
Orphant Annie" for the pretty ladies, Willie. Oh, are you
going, Miss Steel? I thought you always played auction all afternoon.
Willie, Willie, put that hat down. You're tearing it. You mustn't
mind him, Miss Steel. He's only in innocent little baby. I don't
think it is hurt very much. Send it around to the Model and they'll
fix it just as good as new. Good-bye, Miss Steel. Come over and
spend the afternoon with me some day. I'll have Willie dance
for you. He can dance the highland fling, and he gives the cutest
movie imitations. Good-bye. [Pause] She's gone! Now three
of you can't play auction. We'll just sit here and let Willie
entertain us the rest of the afternoon. He's better than a play!
MORE
MONOLOGUES BY WALTER BEN HARE |
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