IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR--WE'LL
SETTLE IT OURSELVES
A monologue from the
play by Alexander
Ostrovsky
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NOTE: This monologue is reprinted
from Plays of Alexander Ostrovsky. Ed. George Rapall Noyes.
New York: Scribners, 1917. |
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LIPOCHKA: What a pleasant occupation these dances are!
Very good indeed! What could be more delightful? You go to the
assembly, or to somebody's wedding, you sit down, naturally,
all beflowered like a doll or a magazine picture. Suddenly up
runs a gentleman: "May I have the happiness, miss?"
Well, you see, if he's a man of wit, or a military individual,
you accept, drop your eyes a little, and answer: "If you
please, with pleasure!" Ah! [Warmly] Most fas-ci-nat-ing!
Simply beyond understanding! [Sighs] I dislike most of
all dancing with students and government office clerks. But it's
the real thing to dance with army men! Ah, charming! Ravishing!
Their mustaches, and epaulets, and uniforms, and on some of them
even spurs with little bits of bells. Only it's killingly tiresome
that they don't wear a sabre. Why do they take it off? It's strange,
plague take it! The soldiers themselves don't understand how
much more fascinatingly they'd shine! If they were to take a
look at the spurs, the way they tinkle, especially if a uhlan
or some colonel or other is showing off--wonderful! It's just
splendid to look at them--lovely! And if he'd just fasten on
a sabre, you'd simply never see anything more delightful, you'd
just hear rolling thunder instead of the music. Now, what comparison
can there be between a soldier and a civilian? A soldier! Why,
you can see right off his cleverness and everything. But what
does a civilian amount to? Just a dummy. [Silence] I wonder
why it is that so many ladies sit down with their feet under
their chairs. There's positively no difficulty in learning how!
Although I was a little bashful before the teacher, I learned
to do it perfectly in twenty lessons. Why not learn how to dance?
It's only a superstition not to. Here mamma sometimes gets angry
because the teacher is always grabbing at my knees. All that
comes from lack of education. What of it? He's a dancing-master
and not somebody else. [Reflecting] I picture to myself:
suddenly a soldier makes advances to me, suddenly a solemn betrothal,
candles burn everywhere, the butlers enter, wearing white gloves;
I, naturally, in a tulle or perhaps in a gauze gown; then suddenly
they begin to play a waltz--but how confused I shall be before
him! Ah, what a shame! Then where in the world shall I hide?
What will he think? "Here," he'll say, "an uneducated
little fool!" But, no, how can that be! Only, you see I
haven't danced for a year and a half! I'll try it now at leisure.
[Waltzing badly] One--two--three; one--two--three . .
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MORE MONOLOGUES BY ALEXANDER OSTROVSKY |
