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TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA
A monologue from the
play by William
Shakespeare
LAUNCE: When a man's servant shall play the cur with
him, look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a puppy,
one that I saved from drowning when three or four of his blind
brothers and sisters went to it. I have taught him, even as one
would say precisely, 'Thus I would teach a dog.' I was sent to
deliver him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master, and
I came no sooner into the dining chamber but he steps me to her
trencher and steals her capon's leg. O, 'tis a foul thing when
a cur cannot keep himself in all companies! I would have, as
one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to
be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit
than he, to take a fault upon me that he did, I think verily
he had been hanged for't. Sure as I live, he had suffered for't.
You shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the company of three
or four gentleman-like dogs under the Duke's table. He had not
been there -- bless the mark -- a pissing-while but all the chamber
smelt him. 'Out with the dog,' says one. 'What cur is that?'
says another. 'Whip him out,' says the third. 'Hang him up,'
says the Duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before,
knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs.
'Friend,' quoth I, 'you mean to whip the dog?' 'Ay, marry, do
I,' quoth he. 'You do him the more wrong,' quoth I; ''twas I
did the thing you wot of.' He makes me no more ado, but whips
me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for his
servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings
he hath stol'n, otherwise he had been executed. I have stood
in the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered
for't. Thou think'st not of this now. Nay, I remember the trick
you served me when I took my leave of Madam Silvia. Did not I
bid thee still mark me and do as I do? When didst thou see me
heave up my leg and make water against a gentlewoman's farthingale?
Didst thou ever see me do such a trick?
MORE MONOLOGUES BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE |
