A monologue from the play by Walter Wykes

  • NOTE: This monologue is reprinted with the author's permission. All inquiries should be directed to the author at:
  • MAN: All right, look ... I didn’t want to tell you, but I’ve fallen behind. At work. I can't keep up. Recently, they’ve ... ahh ... they’ve let a few people go. Every day there are fewer and fewer people doing the same amount of work. They have me running the accounting department entirely by myself! Not management, no, I haven't been promoted. It's just me—there's no one to manage! I do everything! The whole department! And that's not all! I'm also expected to take incoming calls because there's no receptionist, fix the computers because there's no tech department, field customer complaints because there's no customer service! I'm in charge of the mail room, the cafeteria, janitorial services, research and development! Last week, human resources was let go, the whole department, and I received a memo—which I’d actually typed myself because there's no secretary—instructing me to familiarize myself with all applicable state and federal guidelines! Tomorrow, I'm supposed to start mediating all employee disputes! I have no idea what I'm doing! I'd ask the legal department for advice, but I’ve never studied law so I wouldn’t know what to tell myself! And to top it all off, I have to take the CEO's dog out to poop four times a day! At regular intervals! He has stomach problems and he's on a very strict schedule!